Best of Craigslist Humor
January 4th 2010 05:42
For those of you who haven't heard of Craigslist, it's an online free ad site. You can find just about anything that is legal (and occasionally for a short time illegal as well) for sale there. It is a community policed site...meaning that you can flag ads as prohibited, spam, etc. When an ad receives a certain number of flags it is removed. Ads can also be nominated for Best of Craigslist and there are indeed some very entertaining ads. Here is a short sampling of them.
From the Inland Empire, CA:
Once Upon A Hanson Fan
Date: 2009-12-05, 1:58PM PST
When I was fifteen, I really thought I'd marry Taylor Hanson. No, not just like every other fifteen-year-old Hanson fan, circa 1995, but REALLY.
Plan failed. Now I've found my old, embarrassing collection of Hanson crap and I want it out of my house. Here's what your new collection includes:
- Ten or so VHS tapes of Hanson appearances, including two official Hanson-released tour videos, "Tulsa, Tokyo & The Middle of Nowhere" & "The Road to Albertane." (My mother cannot be blamed for encouraging this obsession.)
- A cassette tape of Hanson radio interviews, songs, crap, etc. (I win for most devoted fan.)
- Four cd cases (cds not included) of their first-released albums. (Sorry, but I still rock out to their Christmas album, "Snowed In.")
- Two BIG albums FULL of Hanson clippings, posters, other crap, etc. (Except the one my mom tore up because I refused to sing my older sister "Happy Birthday" one year.)
If you or any of your "friends" love, once loved, or plan to eventually love this band, PLEASE take this stuff off my hand. It holds enough sentimental value that I don't want to just chuck it into my recyclables bin, and god knows Goodwill won't appreciate the hard work that went into this collection. I mean shit, if you even SORT OF like Hanson, or just want to give your boss the most awesome of joke gifts. TAKE IT. And immediately. I will hand it over happily. Even if you just want to see it all out of morbid curiosity and plan on giving it to a homeless person...
Well, no, don't do that. That's mean. Just take my crap.
From Fayetteville, AR:
Need to get pregnant fast by clean educated man - w4m
Date: 2009-11-28, 8:32AM CST
Looking for a light skinned man to get me pregnant this coming weekend or early next week. You will need light brown blonde or red hair. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for months now and my doctor says I'm fine so it must be him--it would kill him not to have kids. Be drug and disease free. I figure we can try a couple of times while I'm visiting this week and hopefully I will be pregnant for my flight back home. Send a couple of pictures of yourself, especially want nude pics--can't do this if I'm not attracted to you. And tell me a bit about yourself.
From Orlando, FL:
Human Soul (black friday special)
Date: 2009-11-27, 5:10AM EST
I am interested in selling my soul or trading it to someone that could help me acquire holiday gifts for myself and family. I have been short on cash due to the low amount of work available here in sunny Florida and would greatly appreciate the help. You will receive a contract and certificate of authenticity both will be signed in my own blood and will verify by name that you are the new owner of my soul. (this is not a joke i really am selling it!) you could use it to trade the devil for fame or riches (keep in mind that you don't have to give him your own soul), you could use it as a doormat you could give it away as a gift or resell it the options are endless! please help my family have a great holiday and buy my soul now! i will also trade for household items and electronics, car or truck, gas mopeds, ect. you get the idea. thank you and have a great holiday season!
From Austin, TX:
Drunk girl wrangler
Date: 2009-11-10, 9:40AM CST
Muscular man closely resembling Hugh Jackman needed to take care of 3 or more drunk girls this weekend. Duties may include but are not limited to drink orders, store runs for cigarettes, fix it kits for inflatable devices, breaking up girl fights, holding hair during any puking, and keeping the dudes off of the 2 married chicks. Experience in CPR and a psyche degree helpful. We don't mind perverts just don't get it on us. Applicants with pics will be considered.
From Toronto:
You puked on my leg - m4w (196 bus to York)
Date: 2009-10-23, 8:11AM EDT
Me: Young, professional-looking law student heading to school a bit early on the 196 bus to York. Black coat, dark pants, nice shoes, brief case, coffee mug. It's job interview call-day for the law firms and I wanted to get to school early so I could sit down in a quiet place, relax, and answer the phone for half an hour.
You: Another passenger on the bus, possibly with swine flu or a nasty hangover. I never got to see your face but you obviously couldn't contain yourself when you saw me, as you vomited all over my leg as we got off the bus. Nothing like wiping other people's puke off your jeans with Subway napkins at 8 in the morning. Thanks.
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